for those of you who couldn't be at the ceremony, i have the transcript for your reading pleasure.
mc: kat, you have won yet another award! with your busy schedule, how do you find the time to compete?
k: well mr. mc i don't really know. i suppose i'm just naturally gifted in time-management. i must admit that this award was more difficult to secure than the last. i had to let the house get quite filthy so i would have extra time to train.
mc: the competition for this award was high. i'm sure everyone would love to hear how you pulled it off.
k: i knew i needed an edge, & that's when i decided to come down with a raging migraine.
k: thanks. from that point on, i knew i had only to let the migraine take over, & the trophy would be mine.
mc: can you tell us what you did to win?
k: sure. i began by snapping at my child during dinner, & added a little anger whilst he was getting ready for bed. an hour after he was tucked in, he came out to tell us he didn't feel well. i knew this would be the edge i needed: i snapped at him again, & sent him back to bed.
mc: i'm sorry to interrupt here, but snapping & anger are nothing special, & isn't your son known for his nightly stalling at bedtime?
k: yes he is, & quite good at it.
mc: how then did this cause you to win the competition?
k: well you see, when he came out to tell us he felt ill, i didn't bother getting up. i just treated him as though he was pulling a stall, & nastily sent him back to bed.
mc: horrid indeed, but most horrid? surely you had something up your sleeve.
k: well, as you said, the competition was high. i knew if i were to win, i would have to do something the other mamas were unwilling to do.
mc: please kat, don't keep us in suspense - what did you have to do?
k: i had to make sure he was actually sick.
mc: he really was sick, & you treated him as though he was pulling a stall? once again, i say 'brilliant!'
k: thank you. of course i didn't know he was sick last night, but to win you have to be willing to take risks.
mc: that risk paid off. you've one the award - what shall you do to celebrate?
k: i'm going to disneyland!
mc: but isn't your child sick?
k: yes but - oh wait! my passes are blacked-out until mid-august. damn.
mc: well there you have it ladies, & gentleman: 2008's most horrid mama that ever there was! look out mamas of 2009, it looks like our champion is already in training.