* to those who have asked why i keep referring to manlyman's tournies as art shows: yes i am supportive of his passion, i'm just in denial. *
on a serious note: with the tens upon tens of thousands of people who've died from cyclone nargis, & now china's quake, i find myself unable to shake the sadness. i'm sure many of you feel the same. how is it that i can go about my days, complaining about the rising gas prices, about my child not putting away his toys, about anything? how is it that it takes the lives of millions of strangers being ripped apart... to see how blessed i am in my complaints? when did complaining become a luxury? i suppose it always has been, i've only just noticed.
i've been thinking a lot about those strangers, mourning for them, hoping for them. i must be honest & tell you that when i do think of them, i try not to think for long. if i do, i find that the sadness quickly overwhelms me, & paralyzes me with fear. another luxury. to be able to stop thinking about horror & grief.
the past few weeks i'd been doing a bit of soul-searching; wondering why things were feeling so out of sorts, wondering what was going on, or why it seemed as though things weren't right in my world. these two tragedies have increased that tenfold. especially the quake in china. i do not mean that i care less for the cyclone victims... it's just that earthquakes hold a special fear for me. i've lived through two large quakes, & can recall both experiences in absolute, frightening detail. i would like my child to grow very old without ever having had a large quake touch his life.
what i realized this morning is that the soul-searching was doing more harm than good. i wasn't able to figure out what was wrong, or why things seemed wrong. all i was doing was focusing vast amounts of energy on things that were hurting me. for now i will take advantage of another luxury - i'll move on. if the soul-searching wasn't working? i'll move on. if i'm just imagining that my world is off kilter? i'll move on. if things truly are not right? i'll move on. what else can i do?
what next? well i shall still think of those millions of strangers. how could i not? how could any of us not? i hope to not let thoughts of them overwhelm me though. i also hope to not focus on things in my world that overwhelm. i definitely know where my focus needs to be, & that is with my sweet hobbit. the best luxury of all! today i
i hope you too have all the luxuries of a blessed life. the luxuries that really matter at any rate. plus cupcakes.