16 February 2008

it would be easier to move.

do you ever look around you; at the piles of laundry waiting to be folded, the stacks of library books that fell over, the toys & projects & hats & shoes & jackets abandoned, the dustbunnies running for cover, & the dishes on the phone with the health authorities; & think... rather than cleaning, it would be easier to move?

my belfry is a wreck, so i'm leaving. if you need me, i shall be at my new home.

photo property of: simondale.net
they look like a nice family. at the very least, they seem to have vastly less stuff than my family has. i shall miss my menfolk, but if they promise to bring nothing with them, they can visit me. on that bench in front of the house.

what did i do today before deciding to move? i broke my wee hobbit's heart, that's what. i was looking for an old post on my blog, & put delilah (fancy laptop that doesn't belong to me, but i named anyway) down to help manlyman in the kitchen. i came back to find thehobbit very sad. he said, "mama, you know how you said i wasn't allowed to read your blog, because it's for grownups? well i'm sorry i read a little." i thanked him for his honesty, & asked him to please not do so again. to which he replied, "ok." huge tears welling in his eyes. "mama? how come you called opie (my old camera which now belongs to him) the 'c' word?" for the record: in our home, the 'c' word is 'crap.'

i was deep into a long-winded explanation of how even grownups accidentally curse now & again, when he interrupted to say "oh i know mama. that's ok. i'm just really sad you said it about opie." single tear slowly running down his cheek. "is opie the 'c' word mama?" worry in his huge, dark brown eyes; 'not my beloved camera' they seemed to say. i fumbled for a bit, but eventually convinced him that i was frustrated with opie when i wrote it, & that it wasn't the 'c' word. it just didn't take the pictures that i needed. i apologized, & assured him his camera is a good one. also for the record: his camera is crap, & the pictures i needed it to take were pictures in focus.

i know who he is, he is me... rather me as a child. everything was alive to me, everything had feelings. i gave every thing a name, i even had a pet stick i dragged about on a leash. people used to talk about me living in my own little world. maude how i detested that expression! now i understand what they meant- they simply didn't understand what it was like to be me. don't understand still. but thehobbit is lucky. i know him. so i don't tell him it's just a camera, & not something to cry over. because to him it isn't just a camera. it is his. it is opie.

i'm not worried that thehobbit lives in his own little world, nor am i concerned about him being sensitive. he's who he is, & i think who he is, will one day make him an amazing man. if i'm wrong, (& i'm never wrong) at least he'll have opie. ;-)

that's all for now. i have to leave for my new home now. my new home where it's clean, & free of clutter... & where i am not breaking wee hobbity hearts.

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