i came across this photo, & my heart began to ache. would you just look at how dinky thehobbit was! the stamp says this was taken in aught 3, so that would have made him 5 years old. wow, five. how time did fly.
when i look at thehobbit now, at 12 years, i can barely see that adorably dinky boy. instead i stand eye-to-eye with a lanky, hormonal guy. he's a guy now, a dude.
the thing is, when i close my eyes i see him still as that dinky boy, eyes shut in wait of a dog's kiss. a boy who slept with 2 teddy bears, & 7 stuffed dogs each night. a boy who always had rocks in his pockets, who insisted we draw harry potter's scar on his forehead daily, a boy who had a smile that shone brightly from his huge, dark eyes.
i'd like to keep my eyes closed some days. life with a pubescent guy is rough on a mama's heart. long gone are the stuffed animals, an mp3 player replaced the rocks, there is a blemish on that forehead, & that smile? well, we don't see much of it these days. not a smile that reaches his eyes, at any rate. because, you know, dudes are too cool for that. or something.
occasionally thehobbit does give me a glimpse of the boy; right now he's cleaning the borrowers' house, in hope of luring them back. he hadn't so much as touched the house in the last 6 months! i dare not even acknowledge what he's doing, for fear i spook him. apparently dudes are like beasts in the wild. make too much noise, & the dude abandons the toy, & slinks off to find his headphones.
i'll just sit here, quietly, with my eyes closed.
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