29 August 2008

a moment of your time

it would appear that i do quite a bit of looking everywhere; yet not often enough, directly in front of me.

the weeks of uploading thousands of photos led to looking through them; first by myself, then with manlyman or thehobbit. it was lovely in the beginning - to relive the moments we shared - yet it led to much sadness as well. seeing how small thehobbit was, even just a year ago, compared to the lanky 10yo he is today has been difficult. i love to watch him grow, & see him accomplish or discover new things - & yet...

too much time looking behind you can be dangerous. it can lead to wishing you'd done or not done, or focusing on things that are no more. not that looking back is entirely bad; i don't mean to imply that. i've just been looking behind a tad more than is healthy of late.

i have been looking forward as well, just perhaps a little too far into the distance. all the planning for the homeschool year, all the prepping for the winter show, all the dreaming that i am forever lost in. that is a biggie for me, that last bit. i am a dreamer of the grandest magnitude. just yesterday i was lost in a daydream, & realized that thehobbit had been talking to me for a goodly while, & i hadn't heard a thing. not a pleasant thing to realize - that you'd been so lost in dreams of where you want to be, that you're ignoring where you actually are.

the photos here are but a minute fraction of how many upward shots i found during the uploading. oh how i love to look up - to gaze at the sky, to watch the birds or the clouds or the stars. i don't know what it is about the world above my head that pulls at me so strongly.

i discovered many photos of rooftops & carved ceilings, of towering trees, of signs, of banners, & well you get my point.

having a child who loves the hidden world beneath his feet, has gotten me into the habit of searching downward for places to explore. rocks & tiny flowers, acorn & eucalyptus caps, signs of wee folk - it's all right there. we look for paths to walk down; literally & not. we scan the ground for things to delight us, to inspire us, to take home, or perhaps just to watch. it's easy to let time slip past this way.

what i need to do is find a way to do all of the above; all of the looking ahead, behind, above, & downward; but keep my focus on what is directly in front of me. the here & the now. it shan't be easy for me; gazer, dreamer, searcher that i am.
perhaps if i take it in moments? don't say today i shall spend the morning playing with thehobbit & ignoring the rest - rather - right this moment i am here. with thehobbit. playing. & this moment. & again, this moment.
~peace. right this moment. peace.


Phoenix said...

dream on gazy girl, it's a shame to miss the growing trees or rustling bushes and the life force that we embody. I'd rather do less really well and breathe in between. Thanks for the heads up!

kat said...

that's it... dream, see, breathe.

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