10 October 2011

of treasures found

property of ::  s. striker
found written in the front of vintage copy of the third anti-coloring book, purchased last week at a used book shop:

about school - by r. nukerji

he always wanted to say things. but no one understood.
he always wanted to explain things. but no one cared.
so he drew.
sometimes he would just draw and it wasn't anything. he 
wanted to carve it in stone or write it in the sky.
he would lie out on the grass and look up in the sky and it would
be only him and the sky and the things inside that needed
and it was after that, that he drew the picture. it was a beautiful
picture. he kept it under the pillow and would let no one
see it.
and he would look at it every night and think about it. and when
it was dark, and his eyes were closed, he could still see it.
and it was all of him. and he loved it.
when he started school he brought it with him. not to show 
anyone, butt just to have it with him like a friend.
it was funny about school.
he sat in a square, brown desk like all the other square, brown 
desks and he thought it should be red.
and his room was a square, brown room. like all the other
and it was tight and close. and stiff.
he hated to hold the pencil and the chalk, with his arm stiff
and his feet flat on the floor, with the teacher watching
and watching.
and then he had to write numbers. and they weren't anything.
they were worse than the letters that could be something if you
put them together.
and the numbers were tight and square and he hated the 
whole thing.
the teacher came and spoke to him. she told him to wear a tie
like all the other boys. he said he didn't like them and she
said it didn't matter.
after that they drew. and he drew all yellow and it was the way
he felt about morning. and it was beautiful.
the teacher came and smiled at him. "what's this?" she said.
"why don't you draw something like ken's drawing? isn't 
that beautiful?"
it was all questions.
after that his mother bought him a tie and he always drew
airplanes and rocket ships like everyone else.
and he threw the old picture away.
and when he lay out alone looking at the sky, it was big and 
blue and all of everything, but he wasn't anymore.
he was square inside and brown, and his hands were stiff, and 
he was like anyone else. and the thing inside him that
needed saying didn't need saying anymore.
it had stopped pushing. it was crushed. stiff.
like everything else.


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