change is on the wind

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like so many others this time of year, my thoughts turn inward. what do i want this new year to bring me? to be filled with? what ever shall i do with myself? no matter where my mind drifts, it always comes back to one word: change.

oldies will recall that change & i do not do well together; i am a creature of habit. in fact, there was talk of crowning me queen of habitton. or was that hobbiton? i can never recall which. at any rate, i know that as difficult as change is for me, it is something that i want. something that i need. it is the what that has me stumped.

i do know some of what i want to change. last year was one of health woes; both body & mind. i am determined that twenty-thirteen will see me well. no. not just well - i want to thrive. much easier to type than do, but as thirteen is my lucky number, this is the year for it.

the rest is fuzzy. i know that i want to move across town, but that requires more money than we currently have on hand. so how to earn that money?

i want to write. i want to re-open kats in the belfry. i want to finally open the hogwarts homeschool shop. i want to design & sew vintage-styled clothing. i want to learn photography. i want to get my farm back on track. i want, i want, i want, & there are only so many hours in a day that is already filled with a teen & a toddler, both of whom homeschool, & only one me.

ye olde blogge needs a change, most definitely. i want to write more in this space, to really write. the other day i was searching for something, & came across a post that i wrote shortly after my mother died. reading that post made me cry. not just for the loss of my mother, but because somewhere along the way i forgot that i was a writer. do not mistake me, i enjoy sharing photos, & babbling about my day, but it is not who i am. rather, not only who i am. for now i think i shall post less, & write more. or not. honestly, i do not know. sigh.

until i do better know what i most want to change, & how, i am concentrating on what is easily managed without much thought. like moving my vintage camera collection, i shall move me about & see what looks best. change is on the wind, my one & only reader. but to where will it blow?

~peace.

children are wretched

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change is on the wind.

recently thehobbit filled a mess of bags with things i don't need anymore. in poking through them i discovered nearly every toy he owns. it broke my heart to see all he'd cast aside. this doesn't come as a total surprise; a few months back he gave me his pirate ship, castle, & collection of wooden swords to pack away for elfling. since, there has been a trickle of items added to the pile. but this latest, this was him telling us he is done with a part of his life.

often these days i see him slouching, wearing headphones, his mp3 player stuck in his pocket, a slight scowl on his face. to me that seems such a teen thing, & that is the very thing sucking the air from my lungs: teen. in just 5 short months my firstborn will be one of those walking bewilderments. wow.

lately, at gatherings, i've been watching thehobbit & his friends. their play has taken on a more hanging out feel to it, they are all nearing my height (or have passed it), & all of them only slightly resemble the kids i've known for so many years.

all of this proves what i have always said: children are wretched.

~peace.